10 Daily Things

The all-time biggest bonehead move in Deal Or No Deal history.

A student died after downing half a litre of vodka in 20 minutes during a university drinking game, an inquest heard yesterday.

Jason Venezia, 19, couldn’t stand or speak after trying to win a £40 ($64, €50) bet that he could neck a full bottle of the spirit.

Pals carried the Warwick psychology student to his room after the May binge, but he died of alcohol poisoning.

After Coventry coroner Sean McGovern recorded a verdict of misadventure, parents Joan and Ennio, of Solihull, West Mids, called for the drinking age to rise to 21.

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1. Find a pair of scissors. The sharper the better. The scissors you have from kindergarten should be fine.

2 Score some rubbing alcohol. Take a few shots.

3. Ask yourself, “Do I really want elf ears?” If the answer is no, repeat step 2, possibly alternating shots and bong hits.

4. Cut a triangular chunk out of your upper ear. You should be bleeding at this point.

5. Sterilize a needle with a lighter, thread with fishing line or yarn, and sew your ear back together in the desired shape.

6. Put some tape around your ear to hold it together and prevent strain on the stitches.

7. Repeat steps 4 through 6 for the other ear.

8. Take a picture, preferably topless.

9. If you are a chick, send me that picture. If you are a dude, throw it away, I don’t care about your elf ears.

10. If you are hot, I will marry you.

11. Change your name to Zelda.

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This guy forgot to put his new BMW in park and as he walks into work his car rolls away.

Great parenting!! Tell me it’s not true!